Self-pity

Most of us (as far as I know) are raised with the belief that it is selfish and "wrong" to "feel sorry for yourself" - we're programmed with "Stop feeling sorry for yourself..." - and the idea of feeling sorry for yourself becomes confused and enmeshed with "wallowing" and negativity... but there is a Very Important difference....As we know, our feelings are our Guidance System. When experiencing hurt, anger, frustration, sorrow, depression, disappointment....etc. there is a natural urge which leads towards healing. If we were to "go with the flow" on feelings alone, most of us would probably feel really sorry for ourselves for a while, comfort ourselves, and then, find ways to feel better, and eventually get back into the game. A person who has been programmed against "feeling sorry for myself" will generally fight the natural urge to be compassionate with themselves, and will probably treat themselves in the same way as (and sometimes worse than) they were treated by whoever taught them this belief. And many others who have been programmed with this belief will rebel against it despite the belief.... and this comes out in complaining, and seeking acknowledgement and sympathy from others. It can also fester and become aggression, resentment... and of course a variety of other symptoms. That person will take much longer to heal (if they do at all) than someone who feels sorry for themselves until they feel better. There is a fear that feeling sorry for yourself is quicksand and that once you step into that mode; you're not going to come out of it again. That is called despondency, not "feeling sorry for yourself". And if you do a Good job of feeling sorry for yourself, despondency is not on the menu! If someone you love is physically hurt, it's highly unlikely you'd have no sympathy or compassion for them and that you'd push them and forces them to keep going and ignore their cries of pain. You'd probably look after them, treat them kindly and compassionately, encourage them to rest, maybe even spoil them a little, and do what you could to make them feel better and to speed their healing. And yet we usually don't treat our own emotional, mental and spiritual pain and healing in the same way.

So, go ahead and feel sorry for yourself! Give yourself permission. It's giving yourself a soft place to fall before you rest, recover and get up again.